Kurama's Holiday Horrors
by Jins Lil Whirlwind
Summary: For all the WalMart 5 to 11 sale veterans! Kurama is going Christmas shopping... On BLACK FRIDAY! AKA The Blitz as Walmart employees have come to know it. Will he make it? Chappie 4! Kurama fights back!
1. The Plan

**This one is dedicated to all the brave souls who survived the Holiday sales this morning. My heart goes out to you and I hope that recover from your traumatic experience soon.**

**In this story, we won't mention any specific store names... Kurama's torture will occur in a Japanese store named Wali-Marito (whistling innocently...)**

**This one was inspired by my yearly tradtion of dressing out in full leather (biker jacket and backwards newsboy cap included) stilettos and dark make-up at 2 AM to get to the store and fight my way to what I wanted, stand there with a million jackasses for 3 hours, then tear loose at 5 fighting, biting, clawing and kicking to get something I have no interest in whatsoever, then standing back to back with people who have bad breath and noisy kids to get away from those first items, then driving a worn out buggy with one wheel that won't turn like I'm in the demolition derby, running over little old ladies ( who are usually the most dangerous foes) eventually getting to a checkout (automotive or crafts dept., no one ever thinks about those) only to find that the people are jammed so tight that it takes an additional hour to get to an exit! I'm a 9 year veteran now. The head manager at Wal-Mart knows me, he's started warning people to stay out of my way LOL**

**PS- To anyone who reads my other stories, I haven't quit, I just stay busy with work and visiting out of town relatives now, this is the first chance I've had to write. I promise I'm going to finish them as soon as I catch a break! **

**Anyway, I own NOTHING! Enjoy!

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** Dinner had been wonderful. The redheaded teen had eaten until he couldn't hold any more, and then, he had worked off a little bit, so that he could hold a _lot_ more. His friends would have never believed that he was the same talented fighter if they had seen him panting just to get a box of Christmas lights out of the basement for his stepfather. After his second helping, he'd had to lay down and take a nap before he was able to move again. Now he had finally made his way to his desk, a whole three feet from his bed...

He sat pouring over his papers. He had his budget plan here, his sales papers there, his wishlists neatly stacked on one side of the other papers. He was writing down his final choices. His mother's family from out of town would be joining them this Christmas, along with his new uncle's family. It seemed that they were going to have quite a crowd this year. He was used to having his mother's sister joining them, but his stepfather had a brother, and this brother had four children, and then there was Kokoda, his new stepbrother... The only way to buy for everyone was to shop smart. The holiday sales...

His new cousins had made quite the lists. They seemed to love this Dora character. Kurama thought that was just grand. From what he had heard it was an educational program, and he was all for educational toys. There were quite a few Dora toys in one particular sales paper he had seen. He had also spotted many of the other wishlist items in this paper. He had made up his mind that this store, Wali-Marito, would be the best place to do his Christmas shopping. There was to be a sale from 5 AM to 11 AM tomorrow morning. He figured that he should arrive about 10 minutes early, to avoid the crowds.

If he had only known...

**4:00 am...**

Kurama turned off the gentle beeping of his alarm clock and started to rub the sleep from his eyes. This was going to be such a wonderful day! He loved buying gifts for his mother, and now he had so many more people to share this special season with! He smiled to himself as he lay there, then, his long eyelashes began to flutter, revealing the two bright emerald eyes that held so much hope for the day that lay ahead...

**We will now take a 5 minute recess for the fox-fangirls to mop up the drool...**

The fox closed his eyes just once more, gathering his thoughts as the drowsiness of morning faded. What? What was that? He must have been groggier than he thought. Didn't he just turn that clock off? As he pulled himself into a sitting position he looked at his clock. No. That wasn't it.

"Huh? Horns?"

He clearly heard the sound of car horns blaring, and they were coming from everywhere! He pulled back his curtain to see a stream of traffic, going as far as the eye could see in either direction!

"What on Earth are they doing out so early? It's 4 o'clock!"

The thought came to him. What if they were going to those same sales?

_'No, I'm sure it isn't as bad as it looks. There's no way that many individuals could be heading to the same store. There was probably a traffic accident somewhere that has caused a delay. It only looks like there are a lot of people, and then factor in that some of those people are commuters, merely held up on their way to work. That must be the cause...'_

Always so logical and levelheaded. Little did he know, that was to be his downfall...

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**I'm going to keep writing on this one tonight and I hope to have it done by the end of the weekend. Till then, all my fellow Vets, leave a review if you can identify with this horror! LOL **


	2. Through the Doors

**In this one, I'm going to show you all the true meaning of Murphy's Law. Poor Kurama will never be the same LOL This story is starting out slow, (my stories usually do) but it's going to get funnier! I promise! I just like dragging out torture. As for Kai's involvement (very MINOR), well, she is my character (my readers know her already), you can see what I go through with my friends every year LOL. I'm pretty sure I'll get quite a few amens on this one. **

**PS- Thankyou to all the people who reviewed! That's the quickest I've ever got reviews! I was so happy! Keep 'em comin'! ;) **

**I own nothing. Enjoy!**

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Kurama looked at his watch and breathed a sigh of relief. Ten minutes till 5. He was still on schedule, despite his, _ahem_, setbacks... 

He'd planned to drive to the store, but found it impossible to get the car out of the driveway with all the traffic. What was wrong with these people? Normally they were such courteous drivers. If they saw someone trying to get on the road, they would stop and make a place for them to get out. He had expected that this morning, but after letting the car idle for 20 minutes at the end of his driveway, and having a few choice words yelled at him in at least seven languages, he gave up, put the car back in the garage, and tried to proceed on foot. That went well, _until_ time to cross the street. It seemed that they had all completely forgotten the rules of the road! He had ran to the crosswalk, still trying to make good time. The light changed to walk within a few seconds.

_'That's good. I'll make it to the store with time to spa- WHAT?'_

The fox had jumped back onto the sidewalk just in time to avoid becoming roadkill! The car on one side of him had given up the fight and pulled into a restaurant parking lot. The car on the other side of him saw a great opportunity to move a whole 8 feet! The driver had gunned the gas, apparently hoping the pedestrians were either fast or _insured. _White lines, yellow lines, orange cones, and traffic lights were merely a suggestion at this point.

Thank goodness that was all behind him now. Kurama tried to slow his breathing back to a normal pace. He'd had to take leaps and bounds through the branches of the trees and across the rooftops of the surrounding area to get here on time, and, well, _alive_. Now he was walking up a small embankment that led to the parking lot, once again thinking of how splendid it was to shop for his new fami-

"Don't tell me..."

Those two emeralds filled with terror at the sight of the parking lot. All those cars he had left behind were forming a haphazard line. Their destination?

"They _are_ all coming here!" he said to himself in disbelief. And as if that wasn't bad enough, there were more cars than parking spaces. There were traffic jams everywhere, and even _more_ scared pedestrians than he had encountered earlier! Then, there were the _other_ pedestrians, the ones that didn't seem to be scared of anything! They just _kept_ walking, not bothering to check where they were going or how many cars were coming at them! A three-car-pile-up was avoided by mere _inches_ thanks to one of these. As he glanced around the lot, he started to think back. Had he ever encountered such insanity?

Kurama started walking toward the entrance of the store, paying close attention to all the vehicles around him. He may have been a human now, but he was still part fox, and he had seen too many "cousins" laying beside the highway to drop his guard. After regaining his wits, he formed a strategy.

"Aha," he said to himself. He could walk up the center of a row of parking spaces, where the noses of the cars faced each other. Good plan. It seemed he was back to his cool, clever self. This wasn't going to be that bad. Then the next thought came, and stopped him in his tracks.

'_If there are this many vehicles, then how many people are in the store? Many of the cars I've seen were filled to capacity! Can this store possibly hold that many people? It's impossible! They would have to be standing back to back! Perhaps they were going elsewhere, and they only needed to find a parking space...'_

There were so many sales this morning. Surely these people were in town for the other ones. The other lots must have been too small. This store had the largest lot, so they came here, thinking there must be an empty spot. His cool returned again.

_'How foolish of me, thinking so many people could be inside that single building. It's unlikely that the structure has ever seen such a crowd. The stress induced by the traffic must have taken it's toll on me. Wait, is that-?'_

At the end of the row he was walking, a motorcycle pulled in. It was a ladies' bike, small enough to fit right between the noses of the cars. He thought he recognized the lights on the tires. Blue and purple continued to flash as the driver got off and removed her helmet. Sure enough, there was Kairi, in full leather apparel. The pants, the boots, the vest, the riding gloves, and her biker jacket. He noticed that her hair was pulled up in a bun on the back of her head. But why was she dressed that way? Didn't she say that she only dressed that way when she _knew_ she was going into a battle?

Before he could ask, something else caught his eye. There were two boys ... buggy surfing? Yes. That's what they were doing! Two boys were standing up in a buggy, one with his feet on either side of the child seat section, the other standing in the main section. A tall woman was pushing the buggy, and the boys seemed to be knocking people out of her way as she neared the door.

_'Now who could possibly do something so ridicul-!' _"Yusuke? Kuwabara?"

Sure enough, Kuwabara was standing in the deeper part of the buggy, pushing people out of the way, while Yusuke was standing, straddled over the lady's purse in the child seat. The lady? As a man came to near to her backside, Kurama figured out who she was. She turned, punched the man, then kicked him in the ribs a couple times as he lay on the ground. All the while, she never removed the Marlboro from her lips.

"SHIZURU! YUSUKE! KUWABARA!" he yelled, jogging toward them. He was thankful to see someone he knew in this mess.

"KURAMA!" Yusuke responded, waving wildly, as if trying to keep the fox from losing him in the crowd. Kurama laughed to himself, it would be kind of hard to lose them considering there current location.

"What're you doin' here, buddy? I thought you were smart enough to stay away from this place!" Yusuke laughed as Kurama drew near.

"What do you mean? Smart enough to stay away?" He put a hand on his brilliant red hair, as if to scratch his head. He looked truly bewildered by this remark.

"I thought you always got your mom a nice necklace or something for Christmas. Decide to splurge on a TV or something?" Kuwabara asked. He remembered Kurama telling him last year that he had never been one to do much Christmas shopping. With such a small family, he just bought a thoughtful present for Shiori, usually a piece of jewelry, either with their birthstones, or engraving, or a nice outfit, and something likewise for his aunt, and that was it. This year was different.

"I'm not just shopping for her gift this year. I have to buy for my new family as well."

"Oooooh," Kuwabara and Yusuke said in unison, now crouched down to talk to him, but still remaining in position atop the cart. It was then that Kurama noticed that Shizuru was missing. He turned to see her and Kairi, having what seemed to be some sort of strategy meeting...

"Did you remember to bring-?" Shizuru started, but was cut short when Kairi produced some sort of object from her jacket's inside pocket and handed it to her.

"Ooof course!" she giggled. Suddenly, the fox recognized that object, not only by the shape, but by the scent! The smell of cayenne peppers burned his sensitive nose! What did they need pepper spray for? This was Christmas shopping for crying out loud! And then there was something else that struck him as strange. Aside from Kairi being dressed for war, Yusuke and Kuwabara's clothing also looked more suited for battle. Kuwabara was wearing his white pants and white overcoat, the same outfit he'd worn to face down the younger of the Togoro brothers. Yusuke was wearing his jeans, with a long-sleeved white shirt. Over that, was a denim vest that was clearly once a jacket, before the sleeves had been ripped loose. He wouldn't have stood out if they were going to a _street fight_, but a _sale_? What's gotten into them? Is there a demon here that Koenma hasn't told me about? A secret mission?

The girls rejoined the group, giving out specific instructions about where each was to go and what items they were to grab. TVs, DVD players, Care Bears, a Tumble Time Tigger...

"Where should we meet up?" Yusuke asked, now starting push people aside so that Kairi and Kurama could follow the cart with Shizuru.

"How 'bout the electronics department?" Kuwabara asked, a grin on his face. He and Yusuke had spent hours playing the game demos back there when they were out of quarters for the arcade.

"NO!" came the reply from everyone but Kurama.

"Stay away from the electronics department at _all costs!_" Shizuru commanded. "Don't you remember spending Christmas in a cast a few years ago, all because you wanted that Nintendo 64?"

"Oh yeah, oops," Kuwabara grinned sheepishly.

"Did you park at the designated area?" Kairi asked.

"Yup."

"Yeah and I thought she jarred something loose when she did it!" Yusuke exclaimed.

"You tore something off your mom's brand new SUV?" Kairi gasped to Shizuru.

"No. Not the SUV!" Yusuke answered. "I meant from my insides!"

Shizuru smiled as innocent as she could, but she couldn't hide how proud she was to have scared the boys that bad. Kuwabara placed a thumb to his chin as he thought for a second.

"Ya'know, it wasn't all that bad until the landing..." Yusuke glared at Kuwabara for that comment. Kurama took that glare to mean that Kuwabara wasn't joking. Landing? Shizuru could sense Kurama's confusion, and concern.

"We weren't dumb enough to look for a spot in the lot. We parked on the grass just off the eastern side of it."

"I thought that was a hill! A steep hill..." This day kept confusing the fox more.

"Why do you think I drove mom's SUV?"

Kurama was getting more and more worried. Just what had he gotten himself into?

"We'll reconvene at the Bravada. Just complete your objectives and get back there ASAP, before anyone has a chance loot the carts."

Kairi's orders got nods from the other three. As they made their way past the second door and into the store, their expressions changed. Kurama hadn't seen them this serious since the last round of the Dark Tournament. And why was she speaking like this was a military procedure? These were just other people there to buy gifts for their loved ones! It wasn't like they were walking into a war zon-

"What?" Kurama's thoughts of love and family were shoved from his mind with the force of a freight train hitting a rag doll. He looked around the store and saw "So many people!" They were every where! Back to back! Shoving and pushing like _cattle_! And the _smell_! His sensitive nose detected at least 4,000 varieties of morning breath! These people hadn't bothered to brush their teeth! They'd just jumped straight out of bed and into their cars! And the _noise_! All these people talking, and some were yelling things at the people they'd come with, about what to get and where to find them when it was over, and children were screaming, and employees yelling into their walkie-talkies, and more people yelling into their cell phones! They were louder than the demon fans had been by at least a hundred fold! Not more than 5 feet from him, a man in a Santa suit was collecting money for some charity. He was waving a huge bell over his head and, even as close as he was, Kurama could barely hear it. "HO HO HO! HO HO HO!" he repeated a little louder. "HO HO ...OH THE HELL WITH IT!" Kurama could not believe what he had just heard as he watched 'Santa' toss the bell over his shoulder, then plop down in a green, Coleman, pop-up camping chair, and produce a flask from the inside of his suit's jacket. He was appalled!

His attention was torn away from the sot in the Santa suit by a sharp pain in his lower back. His instincts forced him to whirl around to see what hit him. A middle aged woman, with poofy blond hair, stood there, scowling as she pushed her cart forward again, this time catching him in the side of the hip. "I wish these people would move!" she said obnoxiously to the woman beside her.

Our meek little Suichi tried to keep his calm. He should remain courteous, and resist the temptation to say something to the woman. The part of him that was Yoko was having other thoughts, to say the least, but Yoko was just a shadow in his mind. He didn't have the run of the ship, Suichi did, and so, Suichi would be the one to handle today. For better or worse...

As they neared the end of the walkway that led to the mainstream of people, Kurama felt around in his pockets. Now where did he put that? Then, the horrifying realization came to him. He had left his shopping list at home...

He would have to navigate this place without it!

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**Next Chappie: 5 o'clock! ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE! Review if you know what I'm talkin' about LOL**


	3. 5 O'clock

**Sorry this took so long guys, but that same weekend, we got major thunderstorms, and I found out the hard way that my surge protector wasn't as good as I thought it was... The power supply in my computer got fried! I had to wait till I got it fixed, then I had to wait to get through the with all the family stuff at X-Mas, but, hey, better late than never, right? Anyway, here's chappie 3, and I'm still writing, it WILL get done soon!**

**I own nothing. Enjoy!**

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Kurama was having problems. In addition to not having his list, he also noticed that there wasn't a shopping cart left. The greeter was just standing there with her back against the wall where they should have been. It was just a long empty corridor. How was he supposed to carry all those things? Mountains of toys, clothes and a new jewelry box for Shiori, a TV for Kokoda... It was going to be impossible. 

Wait- Shizuru had the only buggy in that group, yet they were all planning to go off in different directions, and he knew he'd heard each of them talking of at least one item that would require a shopping cart. How were they planning to do it? Was there another place they knew of to find one?

"Shizuru, is there anywhere else in this store where I might locate a shopping cart?"

"Hmm?"

Kurama turned his head to look at the frightened greeter in the deserted area next to the door.

"As soon as the sale starts, just look for an empty one, and _grab_ it."

"Grab it?"

"When the sale starts everyone here is going to leave their cart to get to the palettes. When they do, snatch one and run."

"Palettes?"

Two emerald green eyes were once again filled with questions. Shizuru hadn't seen him this confused since Yusuke and Kuwabara had tried to explain how one derived pride from winning a belching or peeing-for-distance contest. The only difference was that, this time, there was a lack of disgust on his face.

"Those...," she said as she motioned toward the big squares in the middle of the aisles. They were all covered in brown paper, and some had employees climbing up on them. Upon closer inspection, these employees were wearing the same expressions as the humans he'd seen cornered by several demons back in the era that demons referred to as "the good ol' days," before there were barriers between the worlds. These sale items were like big slabs of red meat, and the customers were the equivalent of half-starved pit bulls, the poor employees were just praying they could stay out of the way when the feeding frenzy started...

Shizuru continued to explain things to the clueless fox. "They only get so many of each of the items on sale, so they spread them out like this. They keep them covered until the sale starts, so you don't know exactly where anything is going to be...-" She kept talking, but Kurama was only half-hearing. Don't know where anything is going to be? And no list? He was going to just go to the department of the things he needed, and pick them up as he saw them, but, if they weren't in the right department... Was he going to have to go through this whole store? And try to remember every single thing he had on that list? And if quantities were limited, could he get to them in time?

Oh the horror...

It was then that Yusuke spoke. Noticing the confusion on Kurama's face, and hearing the talk Shizuru just had with him, told him all he needed to know. "This is your first time at the Blitz isn't it?"

"The Blitz?"

"Thought so."

"First time?" Kairi gasped. She put a hand on his shoulder and hung her head."Oh you poor fox."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Kurama was getting looks of sympathy from all his friends now. What did they know that he didn't?

"You'll see at 5," Shizuru said.

"Speaking of which," he started, trying to appear as calm as he could, "it is now 7 minutes after." Kurama showed Shizuru his watch. "Why hasn't the sale started?"

"You're runnin' a little fast there, pal," Kairi said. "Look." She pointed to a large Coca-Cola clock above the frightened greeter's head.

4:57

Kurama looked at his watch again. This was the watch he always wore to school! He'd set it 10 minutes fast deliberately, so he wouldn't be late. That meant that this wasn't the worst of it! Things were going to get hectic in about 3 more minutes. He had to wonder just how hectic. He wouldn't have thought it was gong to be that bad, if not for the way his friends were acting. And as if that wasn't enough, that fox nose could smell something other than all the bad breath.

Fear.

The employees wreaked of it. What kind of madness was possessing these people?

"We better start fighting, or we'll never get anywhere folks...," Kairi said to the other three. They gave nods of approval, then, off they went. Kuwabara and Yusuke shoved people away from the cart, making enough room to land as they hopped to the ground. They started pushing, elbowing, and cursing their way through the crowd, followed closely by Kairi, who didn't need to do half as much work to get through. One look at how she was dressed and all but the most obnoxious of shoppers got out of her way. Kurama was starting to think that may have had something to do with her selection of clothing this morning. Human or demon, there was something about the "Manson-ite" look that worried people. Those who didn't move didn't matter, thanks to the street-fighting "dream team" in front of her. Shizuru had adopted a strategy that looked much the same as that of the blonde behind him. Her cart was being used as a battering ram to get the people out of her way.

A few seconds later, Kurama was alone. He had tried to follow Shizuru through the sea of shoppers, but those beside him had tried to cut in front of him while there was an opening, and by the time he had gotten past them, the path Shizuru had cleared was long gone. He'd be stuck navigating this mess all by himself. He decided it best to just start looking for open spots in the crowd and move to them as he could. Not that he had a choice. The crowd behind him was forcing him forward whether he _wanted_ to go or not.

Then, the voice...

A booming voice came on the loud speaker, announcing that there was only one minute left until the sale started. The frenzy began! People were going ballistic, shoving and cursing, slamming buggies into each other, trying to make a mad dash to whatever items they had come for. He was slammed in between two of said buggies, and for a split-second, emerald turned to amber. Kurama knew it would take restraint to keep Yoko from coming out in the heat of battle, but shopping? That one had never entered his mind! This was going to be a long day...

Then, the voice came back. It was a countdown.

10...9...8...7...6...

Kurama saw the employees grabbing the brown paper that covered the palettes, and their faces began to contort with a mixture of fear and dread...

5...4...

Shoppers took ready stances, looking like some strange martial artists. The poses some had assumed looked like football players standing at the line, others more resembled the "tiger" position. In either case, they were ready to rumble...

ONE!

Paper ripped! People screamed! Kurama caught a glance of the palette beside him. Sirius radios. Both Kokoda and the eldest of his new cousins had asked for one. He saw how the people were scrambling, this was pure, unadulterated insanity! Would he let himself be brought to this level? Of course not!

But, when he saw how fast those things were disappearing...

And the people elbowing and shoving him...

Then there were the people stepping on his feet...

And the buggies in his back...

He dove!

He got his hand around one, just to have it snatched by a 10 year old boy! Now that was an insult! He grabbed at another.

_'I think I've got -'_

Pain shot through his head! Someone had pulled his hair!

"OUCH!" someone shouted from behind him. "FREAK!" He turned to see another poofy haired blonde holding her hand as a few drops of blood dripped from it. On the ground lay a mangled rose. Now normally, Kurama would have tried to think up some excuse for this. Someone finding out that he carried a rose in his hair would have been a crisis.

But, this _wasn't_ normally...

He grinned as he turned back to the radios, grabbed two, then gracefully zigzagged back between the people. The ocean of people was ebbing and flowing every which way. Some were moving quick, some were jammed up completely. He was starting to see that this was not going to be easy. Just then, he saw an empty cart. The blonde who had pulled his hair had her back turned, telling her friend about that little freak with that "horny rose" in his hair. He grinned broad as he snatched her cart and headed in the other direction. He'd never heard a rose called that before... He started weaving in and out of the people, pushing some out of his way.

Until he got to the toys section...

Children everywhere! He couldn't possibly hurt these little angels! The poor things were probably terrified! Most of them were cranky, and no wonder! What kind of parent would drag these sweet innocent little darlings out of bed this early, and fan them in and out of the cold, and then expose them to this kind of madness! Just then Kurama saw a little girl, about 4, sitting in the child seat of a cart, left unattended! She was rubbing her eyes and sniffling, and clearly about to start wailing. He brought his cart as close as he could to her, then walked the rest of the gap. He knew someone would have to calm her down.

"Hello. What's your name?" He thought that maybe talking would work, but her lower lip began to quiver even more... "Where's your mommy?" He hoped she would answer that one, he needed to find her parents. There was no telling what could happen to a child this small in a place like this. And when he found her mother and/or father, he planned to give them an ear full on responsibility! But, no dice. She wouldn't speak. One more try. "Little girl, Can you tell me where your mommy is?" This time, it looked like she might respond. She opened her mouth, then, to Kurama's surprise...

"STRAAAANGEEEERRRRRR!"

All heads turned to Kurama! He started stuttering. "No- No- I was just- I, mean, I-"

A woman rushed from the other side of the toy display and scooped up the little girl. "You _sicko_! Oh, baby, are you OK? Did this man do anything to you?"

"Ma'am, I was trying to-"

"You get away! You pervert! I've heard about people like you!"

"I was onl-" In Kurama's efforts to explain the scene, he didn't see the man come around the other side of the display. He walked up right behind him. The only words that had reached the ears of the young girl's father were sicko and pervert. And now this guy was arguing with his wife, who was clearly trying to protect their precious little girl...

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**Hmmmm... This looks like an interesting little predicament, does it not? Still writing, but tell me what you think so far! And thanks for being patient with me.  
**


	4. Hiei II

**It's a short one, but, it's here. Thanks for all the reviews! I've been writing on Return of the Bat, so I've kinda been distracted from this one. ADHD, dontcha love it? Anyway, for the name Hiei II, you young'ens prolly won't get this joke, but anyone who remembers where the name Audrey II came from should love it LOL**

**I own nothing. Enjoy!**

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Kurama was completely absorbed in his conversation with the young girl's mother. Every time he tried to speak, she cut him off again. The people who had got jammed up beside of him were all staring. Kurama was surprised when he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. He turned around to see... 

BAM Stars...

He was sitting on the floor now, right behind his cart. How he got there, God knows. The event replayed in his mind. There was a fist involved somewhere...

"Don't you ever let me see you anywhere near my family again ya sicko-path!"

'_The term is psychopath, I do believe,'_ he thought as he pulled himself up. Part of him, and you can guess which, wanted to stay and contend with these people, but, he instead, turned away. He started driving his cart away from those irrational people. He looked down at his buggy.

'_What? Something isn't right- !'_

One of the radios was gone! The giggling of a child caught his attention. He turned in the direction the noise was coming from, and saw a boy, maybe 6, holding a Sirius radio, and laughing..._at him_! He was about to go and demand that his property be returned, when he caught the sight of little hands out the corner of his eye.

Another child, about the same age, had reached into the cart and snagged the remaining radio. After he had committed a minuscule act of thievery against the King of Thieves, he had taken advantage of his small size and disappeared into the crowd.

"I don't believe what I just saw!"

The little redheaded angel that had been sitting on his shoulder all morning, went running for cover after a little, silver-haired fox, with 2 red horns rammed a pitch-fork into his backside. Kurama heard a little voice telling him that it was time to stop playing...

Kurama looked around. He couldn't use his weapons in public like this, and he was one rose short of a full arsenal anyway. He saw signs hanging overhead, leading to the many departments. One stood out to him...

GARDEN CENTER

To a stressed out spirit fox, it read a little differently...

WEAPONS CACHE'

A gleam formed in those emeralds, and he turned his cart to what could possibly be his salvation.

No more Mr. Nice Fox...

As soon as he arrived, he saw his weapon of choice. There were display stands everywhere, with huge pots of poinsettias. He picked out the two with the fullest blooms and stuck them into the cart.

He acted as if he was casually slicking back a few stray hairs, and grabbed a seed as he did so.

**A few minutes later...**

He had found most of the items he had come for. He no longer had to fear leaving his cart alone to get to what he needed.

Hiei II was taking care of that...

Hiei had always been ready to bite someone's head off, even the hand that fed him. Well, the hands were exactly what was feeding this plant. He had put the seed of a small carnivorous plant in the flower pot, and given it just enough energy to grow. It was only about 6 inches tall, about half the size of a mature Venus flytrap, but twice as fast and 10 times as feisty. It was concealed by the blooms on the poinsettias. Whenever someone went after his hard-earned goodies, it "convinced" them that they didn't want them that bad...

He was ready to proceed to the check-out now. As soon as he got past this line, he would face that final obstacle, and then, he would be home-free.

Or at least, that's what he thought...

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**Review time! Did anybody catch that Hiei II thing? And yeah, that last part does mean that Kurama's Hell is just starting, it'll get worse next chappie. Hope you guys like this lil' one though. I hope I put the image of a chibi-Yoko with a pitch-fork and devil-horns attacking a chibi-Suichi in your heads! I had to stop writing for a few cause I got that one stuck in mine.**


	5. Choice of Weapon

**Thanks for the reviews! Sorry I haven't been updating this one much, my reasons are below. The other reason is that I've been busy with Return of the Bat and I Love Being a Bad Guy, my Kuronue fics (and quite possibly the best fics I've wrote). **

**I _may _get this fic done by next X-Mas LOL I was going to rush it when I started, but since the PC breaking down until I'd already missed X-Mas, I didn't see the point in hurrying. Besides, this way I can get it pretty-well finished, and throw up a bonus chappie when the holidays roll around again.**

**I own nothing. Enjoy! **

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"What do you mean I can't use this card? I stopped by the bank yesterday to check the account balance and I checked it again over the phone before I went to bed last night! I know the account isn't empty!"

_'How could this be happening?'_ He _knew_ he had the money in the bank! Why was the computer rejecting his debit card? He hadn't got a credit card yet, and he hadn't brought his checkbook because he had the card. All he had was a couple twenties in his pocket. _'If the card won't go through, how can I pay for all this?'_

The cashier in the blue vest took a step back when the customer service rep in red came to the counter. The red-vested woman tried the card as the mile of people behind Kurama in line started to say things about him that were a million times worse than anything the demon fans had accosted him with in the tournament. He was starting to think that Makai might be a safer place to spend Christmas...

"Still not working," the customer service woman said. She flipped the card over and read the telephone number on the back, then dialed it. She rattled off a few lines, what kind of card it was, her merchant number, all those goodies. A few minutes later, she thanked the person on the phone and hung up. "It seems that there was a little problem with the computer at your bank. They said that it should be up and running again tomorrow, but they can't get the debit cards to go through today. Can you write a check or do you want to pay cash?"

"I don't have my checks, and I put all my cash into the bank," he said. He thought about going to the bank to withdraw the money, but a lot of the things in the cart would be sold out before he got back, and with all the traffic, that was assuming that he made it back before the sale ended. The ATM was standing a few feet from him, but if the card wouldn't work, that wouldn't do any good either...

"Do you have ten percent of the total?" the red-vested woman asked.

"Excuse me?"

"You can put the stuff on lay-away for the same price as it was on sale if you have enough to pay ten percent down. Then you can come back and pick it up when your bank gets their computers fixed."

Kurama looked through the cart, did a little calculating, and decided he could do that. Too bad he didn't know what the lay-away line was like...

"Where is the lay-away department?"

"It's at the main back of the store, right out front from the stock room."

Kurama was horrified. _'The main back? I just spent hours trying to get this far, and now I have to go all the way back _there_ again?'_

There was no point fighting it. He could see a picture in his mind of Shiori opening her gifts. He had to do it. He kept reminding himself of that as he fought his way back toward the lay-away department...

On the way, he spotted an old lady that lived a few houses down from him. He used to rake leaves for her when he was a child. She was riding one of those battery-operated scooter-like contraptions with her cane propped up beside her legs.

"Good morning, Mrs. -"

"Outta my way!" she said, picking up her cane and whacking him with it, then, as if that wasn't bad enough, she ran over his feet with the scooter...

_'I think I'm going to need medication by the time this is over...'_

Just then, he saw Kairi and Shizuru. They were pushing carts, Shizuru in front and Kai right behind her. There was something funny about it... '_What's this?'_

Both girls were coming out of the cleaning supplies aisle, and he saw some long things sticking up from the carts. _'Broom handles!' _Shizuru had two brooms in her cart, at the main front, and they were crossed in an X shape, their ends hooked into the wire of the buggy to hold them in place. They were serving to part the sea of shoppers, or give them concussions; either way, people were moving. Kairi had done the same thing with a broom and a sponge mop.

_'Next year, I'm staying near them...'_

He turned to look over his shoulder, and saw Kuwabara at the check-out line, a big Spirit Sword over his shoulder? No. That couldn't be. He looked again and saw what it really was. One of those light-up toy swords. The expandable ones. He was thumping people over the head when they tried to cut in line. _'Even Kuwabara had a strategy this morning. If nothing else is accomplished here, I will have at least had a learning experience...'_

He tried to fight his way to the back of the store, but he just wasn't going to get there. He thought for a few minutes, mostly about Kuwabara and the girls. Then it came to him. There was a steady line of people going to the toys department. He followed...

He looked around at some of the cheaper toys that had been placed on plastic strings here and there around the aisles. Impulse-purchase stocking-stuffers, basically. Finally, he saw exactly what he was looking for.

A jump rope.

It was one of the flimsy ones. Not much more than a vinyl string with a couple handles on the end, but that's what he wanted. They were in Christmas colors; some red with green handles and others green with red handles. He grabbed a green one. _'Perfect.'_ It was reminiscent of a certain whip. He removed it from the card it was stapled to and slid down one of the handles to reveal the knot that kept it from sliding off the end. He untied the knot and slipped one handle off. Now they'd get out of his way...

He stuck to the far end of the aisle, right next to the outer wall of the store. _'Fewer witnesses.'_ He waited until no one was looking then-

**SNAP CRASH THUMP**

He snapped the 'whip' at a pile of puzzles and board games at the end of an aisle, making them all fall and scatter on the floor. The people around started to panic and flee, not knowing what in the world just happened. The fox strolled on by the mess, rather proud of himself. Then the pride faded when he remembered that Kuwabara had been the one to give him the idea... It killed him to not be able to take full credit for this craftiness.

After taking out a few stacks of empty boxes, furnace filters, and shoe boxes, he made it to the lay-away line. Not because he had traveled all the way to the other side of the store, but because the line stretched out to the halfway point! And it branched off in all directions! There was going to be a heck of a battle when he got to the point where the line started forking off. He'd be here all day without the line cutters!

He noticed Yusuke was almost to the part where the line started branching off. He held up his right hand and pointed it like a gun! _'He wouldn't! Not here!'_ He was aiming for a man who was trying to cut into the main line. Things seemed to move in slow motion. Yusuke's standing thumb cocked back, something blue shot from his finger tip! The man grabbed his neck and cried out in pain!

Kurama was stupefied! How could he fire his Spirit Gun in public? And at a normal human, no less!

Then he happened to notice something at the man's feet; something blue...

A rubber band.

Kurama felt a wave of relief followed by a moment of doubt in his own intelligence. What had made him think that Yusuke would fire off a finger-round here?

Though he had definitely done damage. That much was sure. The line cutter was getting a bright red whelp on his neck where Yusuke had flipped the rubber band at. And it didn't help that it was one of the thick ones. That was going to leave a mark worse than any hickey the man had had in his entire life... If, that is, the balding, sweaty, little man in the t-shirt with the deep-yellow pit stains had ever had a hickey...

Yusuke had a whole bag of those things apparently. And he was not afraid to use them. He kept the cutters out of the lines, and probably saved the fox at least an hour of waiting in line...

The fox paid for the lay-away, and practically ran for the front of the store. He wanted out of here! And now! Just as he got outside of the exit – and his jump-rope-whip had provided plenty of assistance in getting him that far – he found yet another problem.

The man who had punched him was talking to a deputy outside. When he saw the redhead, he pointed and said, "That's him! That's the guy, Officer!"

All this, and now he was going to get arrested! The fox thought about running, but where could he go? There was another cop in the patrol car right in front of him! He couldn't use his powers out here!

Just when the cop started to walk to him, he heard a horn blaring. He looked up to see Shizuru leaning over from the driver's seat of her mom's SUV and throw open the passenger door.

"You coming?" she asked, smiling as she lit the first smoke she'd had in hours. Kuwabara and Yusuke were grinning through the window in the back.

He smiled and bolted for the SUV, the cop chasing him halfway there.

"Hey! Get back here! I need to talk to you!"

He dived into the passenger seat and Shizuru floored the gas, causing the door to slam shut just as the fox got his legs in.

"Rough day?" she asked.

"Where were you when I was a thief?" he asked. "You would have made an excellent get-away driver."

"You ain't seen nothin' yet!" Kuwabara said from the seat behind him.

"Yeah, don't remind me," Yusuke said, looking a little nervous.

Shizuru's road-rage kicked in full-gear. She was dodging pedestrians, slamming on the horn, yelling profanities that may have been too much for even Kuronue, and weaving the SUV in and out of the streams of traffic like she thought she was driving a hot-wheels car. Kurama was suddenly figuring out why they put those little handles on the roof right above the window.

It didn't get any better when her 'partner in crime' bolted out on that Harley. Kairi's pipes were loud, so the other cars heard her coming and slammed on the brakes. That let her get through and Shizuru could follow before they got moving again. There were a couple times the space was so tight that Kurama thought they must have greased the SUV down before they left this morning; there was no other way he could imagine it being able to squeeze through...

When they finally made it back to Kurama's house, he thought about falling down to kiss his driveway. He cancelled that when he thought about how foolish he would look. He didn't have to think _much_, though. Yusuke _demonstrated_.

"You guys go on home," he told the Kuwabara siblings. "I think I'm gonna hang out here with Kurama for a little while."

Kurama saw that the color still hadn't come back into the other boy's knuckles.

He was finally home. Out of the way of the holiday madness. Or so he thought...

"Suichi," he heard his stepfather calling. "I'm glad to see you're home. I need to get these lights up. Think you could help me?"

Of course he could help him get those lights up. What could possibly go wrong?

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**You know he's not getting off that easy! Please review! Just let me know you're still reading! That's why the other fics get updated sooner. Return of the Bat is getting mighty close to 200 (And Good Lord I can't wait to see that number!). See why they get priority?**


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